Letters to Elizabeth
by Cheorl d'Arion
Summary: post CotBp, AU DMC. Not long after Jack's escape from the gallows, Elizabeth gets a nice surprise. One that continues through the year. What is the surprise? Letters, from Jack. Not JE. Now finished! Yay!
1. 10 July 1722

_Written the 10th of July,  
Year 1722_

_Dear Lizzie_,

Aye, you weren't expecting a letter from Ol' Jack now were you? Just to confirm your suspicions me and the crew have left the Caribbean. You don't need to worry, we have every intention of returning alive and well. As I write this we float off the coast of India. I bought this paper in India and it cost me a pretty coin, too, so I'd be obligied if you didn't burn it. We will be headed for Singapore afore turning our noses on toward the Orient. Aye, the Orient. Land of spices, silk, and very pretty women who don't slap you. China is first, then Japan, and finally Korea. Have you ever seen Korean pottery? Wonderful stuff, mayhap I'll bring some back for you and the Whelp.

Have you changed your last name yet? Likely not, ay? I expect by the time I do return to the azure waters of the Caribbean you will be a Turner and not a Swann. Just to clarify things: no naming ANY little whelps after me. NONE, savvy? If I return and you have had a baby it'd best be named something other than Jack. Don't expect you'll have to worry your pretty head about that for now… just a warning for the future.

Enclosed with this letter (so long as the bugger delivering it doesn't take them, doubt he will, if he does his name is Captain Morris. Find him!) you shall find a few trinkets I picked up in India. They are all paid for fair and square, so there'll be no accusing this pirate of stealing objects so frivolous.

_Signed,  
CJS_


	2. 23 September 1722

_Written the 23rd of September  
Year 1722_

_Dear Lizzie,_

So how is the Caribbean faring without the notorious and infamous Captain Jack Sparrow? I expect the good Commodore is all the happier for my absence. On the other hand he could be driving himself insane with boredom… I expect some entertainment when I return, make sure the man doesn't kill himself or something stupid like that.

You've likely figured this out by now, but no replying to these letters, savvy? Someone might actually be able to find me.

Singapore was as wonderfully erotic as I remembered. I dare say it was even better. Now, I don't expect you'll have any interest in the skill of the women at certain activities that you've yet to participate in. Or have you? There's something to muse over in my spare time. Aye, you can slap me for that. All the same, the people (natives that is) of Singapore are beautiful. I'm not lying. Their skin, their hair, their eyes… ah luv, they all seem to have beautiful deep eyes. I mentioned to Ana that she puts me in mind of most of the women in town. You can guess what reply I got to that.

The whole place runs thick with liquor, but don't be thinking badly of it for that. They have jewels and gold and trinkets fit to keep a king happy. Most of the more expensive jewels are clever fakes, of course, and somewhat valuable in their own right. One has to have a quick and knowing eye to catch the impostors. Luckily (for you and for me crew) I have a grand eye and no one cheats Jac- Captain Jack Sparrow. As gifts, (I think I'm going to be making a habit of this) I've acquired a small gem for you and a gold ring for dear William. The ring can go in either his ear or on his finger. Pity that he likely won't put it in his ear, he'd look quite dashing I think. Far more dashing than in that ridiculous hat. Don't tell him I said that. The gem for you is a genuine Asian ruby. If you ever have to sell it (and I'm hoping you won't) minimum price I suggest is 12 ducat. I paid only 9, but you'll want a profit if you have to sell it. Please don't, call me sentimental but I would like for you to keep it, always.

Chinese pirates sail these waters as we get closer to China (we are in the South China Sea, a few days from the coast) but they shouldn't be any threat. Their little boats run barely armed although word has that they are very fierce and talented combat fighters. Not sure if I want to find out. Send my regards to the Governor. Ta-ta.

_Signed,  
CJS _

A/N: You may notice that the year has been changed. In my original copies it is actually 1722, on the first letter I accidently put 1723. It makes little difference. Thank-you to all of my reviewers and readers. More of this coming soon!


	3. 7 December 1722

_Written the 7th of December  
Year 1722_

_Dear Lizzie,_

Apologies for not having written for so long and, although this won't reach you until long after, Happy Christmas.

Where to start? We've had ourselves a right old adventure the past 2 months. Aye, I suppose Gibbs is right, the best place to start is the beginning. He's watching me from a cot in my cabin, MY cabin mind you! Before I begin, I had best warn you that this is the true version (a bit condensed but true nonetheless) and it'll not be appreciated if you go spreading it around afore I get back to the Caribbean. It'll make good meat for legend, if you know what I mean. Aye, aye I'll start!

We reached Shanghai port three days after my last letter was written. The 26th I believe. Once we had secured anchorage (we told them we were merchants with goods to sell, which was partly true, as we'd picked up goods in our travels) our first action was to see the Pearl careened and repaired. The repairs were fairly minor…you don't really care about that, do you? Ah well, it's nice to be able to careen without having to keep lookout for the Royal bloody Navy. Money was set aside for outfitting our departure. Most of the crew went on shore leave, under warning to not get into trouble, and the rest (my officers and I) went to take care of the lovely business of selling, trading, and buying goods.

That was when it all began. This whole mess of a problem. Some of the crew (idiotic buggers) decided to pay the slums of Shanghai a more personal visit (meaning, at night) and they ended up getting tangled into a gang war. Brilliant fellows, eh? Because of this we had to stay and get them out of the trouble (harder than it sounds) Then a (scratched out curse words) Chinese man attacked and (more scribbles) oh bugger it, attacked and raped Ana. By God, the crew were mad enough to put the fires of Hell out. I'll admit this, I was fair damned angry meself. Now, if it'd been some whore, well, that's their lot but this was ANA. The Chinese had gone to damn far. We weren't leaving without spilling some Asian blood.

We managed to track down who it had been, and it turned out to be the leader of one of these 'gangs' (it's the best translation I can think of). This revelation led to the whole gang turning on him. Seemed (couldn't really catch their reason) they didn't hold with raping women -or men. He fled to another gang, who he had been working for the entire time (double-crossing a gang he ran? Why?) but, for some reason, they tossed him out and he fled to another gang, who he had also been working for! Everything was coming crashing down around this blighter's ears. His name is Yan Jiesha. Yan is his surname, mind you. Of course, his plans (basically some sort of domination) were failing and he wasn't to happy with us.

Ana, Legs, Zhaosa (Chinese crewman), and myself were captured and held prisoner, but the rest of the crew managed to free us and we escaped in the midst of a colossal battle. I swear, there were five sides fighting, not including us. Gibbs got the worst of any injury, a great gash in his leg, and is laid up in my quarters (they second as a sickroom). The rest of us have cuts, scrapes, and all manner of bruises. My left eye is so black, it matches me other one without any kohl.

That, m'dear, is why I haven't written. Can't exactly blame me, can you? Somehow (shows how much I like you two brats) I didn't forget presents for you and Will. They are (as usual) enclosed, but this time they are wrapped in Chinese silk worth 20-odd ducats. Don't damage it.

We'll now be heading for Japan, Christms will likely be spent there, on Hokkaido. That's one of the islands. An old acquaintence of mine fell in love with a Japanese maiden and married her, effectively retiring from the sea. He lives in Hokkaido. In the mountains there they have snow. I'm hoping it'll cheer Ana up. Luv, I'm worried for her. She's been unusually quiet and withdrawn since... well...since that. Happy Christmas, and do spare a prayer or two for this beleaguered band of buccaneers.

_Signed,  
CJS_

PS. Zhaosa has given me a Chinese name. Juanshu. According to him it means something like superior, outstanding, talented, and refined. Suitable, don't you think? He gave Ana (and most of the crew actually) Chinese names as well. Ana is Angnu, meaning proud, bold, upright, exert, strive, and make effort. That is most certainly suitable.

A/N: Now, Jack doesn't know this, but Yan Jiesha is dead. Muahaha. Deserving bastard. Sorry for the delay. :D


	4. 28 January 1723

_Written the 28th of January  
Year 1723_

_Dear Lizzie,_

You and Will are now under orders to visit Hokkaido. From a man who has seen many of the most beautiful places in the world, Hokkaido is one of the most amazing. Everything, and I mean _eveyrthing_ about it is amazing. Especially the women. There's something about Oriental women I like. It must be because they don't slap and they're all pretty. I have yet to see an Asian women I think ugly. Well, save for the old ones but I just didn't think them pretty. We had no gifts for Armand Bonheur (my friend, who now goes by the Japanese name of Saruwatari Miharu) but ol' Armand, he produced gifts for all of the crew from that heaping horde of loot he has. Have to love the man. Of course, we had to explain about Christmas to his wife, Asuka. She's a very charming, pretty little creature (and has earned Gibbs' eternal praise for being such a wonderful cook.).

As I'd hoped, the stop did cheer Ana up considerably. Personally, I am of the opinion that it was the feminine company she kept adverse to the scenery. Suggested that the other day and my face still stings. Guess I'm right.

We left Hokkaido and headed south down the Japanese coast a few days after New Year's. Japan has a fair steady flow of merchant ships so the pickings have been more than decent. Discovered a new liquor as well, near as good as rum, called shochu. I do think that our luck has finally taken a turn for the better. Am knocking on wood.

Yesterday we happened upon (entirely by accident understand. We most certainly didn't plan on it.) a ship bearing a load of Japanese dress-thingies called kimonos. A kimono is women's garb, although (much to the crew and mine's consternation) Legs apparently fancies himself in it. You learn something new everyday. I picked out two I thought you would like or would, rather, look good on you.

The small sketchbook I've sent along was kept by Asuka for some while, with a few drawings by Miharu (as Armand insists on being addressed). The last picture is of a man and women. Can you guess who they are?

_Signed,  
CJS_


	5. 15 February 1723

_Written the 15th of Februaru,  
Year 1723_

_Dear Lizzie_,

We'll be arriving in Korea in one day and I've finally time to draft a letter. We had a little problem with some Navy-types (Japanese) and then a fierce storm. Everyone is fine. Well, almost everyone. It turn's out that Ana's pregnant. She told me a week back. At this moment she's about 4 months along and it's beginning to show. Poor lass, she warned me to stave off any and all pity and backed it with the threat of a broken nose. Now, I fancy that me nose is quite a handsome appendage and I like it where -and how- it is. So all pity has been staved off until further notice.

Did you guess that the sketch was of Ana and me? Nicely done innit? Have you married yet? By the time this letter reaches you I suppose that you will have. A spring wedding would suit you and Will just fine. 'Tis a pity I can't be there to see it. I do love weddings. If that be the case the crew sends their best wishes and an imaginary cask of rum. What'd you expect? A real cask? Believe me luv, it's the thought that counts. Oh aye, and comments on how lucky young William is. Now, if you read this and still aren't married, don't feel any need to postpone just for me. I know my presence would add a certain spark to the whole affair but you'll just have to do without, savvy? And do be kind to the Commodore. The man's probably driven out of his mind with boredom and anxiety (that is, if you haven't been telling him of our progress. Better not have.). After Korea, where I plan on spending the rest of February and most of March, we'll be swinging on back Caribbean way with stops in India and Africa. An early April spate of piracy should rile up the East India Trading Company nicely. I always have boatloads of fun playing with them blighters, especially if its the ships of one Cutler Beckett. Short, slimy little creep. I can't stand the man. What kind of name is Cutler anyway? Was his mother's name Silverware?

Now lookit, I've gone and gotten myself irritated. So long and best wishes.

_Signed,  
CJS

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Yay! Updates! I'm so proud of me! I updated with two chappies, just for you guys! XD -Cheorl_


	6. 14 March 1723

_Written the 14th of March,  
Year 1723_

_Dear Lizzie_,

We're leaving Korea today. Surely by the time this letter is recieved you'll be Mrs. William Turner? Of course you will. So, Mrs. Turner, I am now informing you that this man can cook -in a Korean fashion. Aye, it's true. I can cook rice, fish, and a number of other foods I can't spell. As I now am doubting that we will be stopping in India, (though rest assured that the bloody Company will have a problem they won't be able to fix) I've taken on a large store of rice. It keeps well and cooks easy. Just boil and voilà! Food!

Looking in the _Pearl_'s hold today, you'd be amazed at the treasure amassed in there. We have silk, precious metals, and jewels and jewelry from China. Gold, silver, silk clothing, jewelry and asiatic weapons from Japan. If it weren't for Ana I'd forget where all the statues of Gods and Goddesses are from. She isn't right here, so I can't remember. Pottery (a fair amount), gold (not quite so much), and good liquor (rice rum, interesting drink that is) from Korea. Not all treasure is silver and gold (as you can see from a peek at the hold) but think of it all! With more to come! And not just pretty things either. Africa should yield fruit. And ivory. Don't suppose you know the price ivory is fetching on the market? 'Course not. I wonder if the Commodore's ever eaten mango?

In case this is intercepted, no exact course will be provided. Home, the Caribees, is our heading. The Indian Ocean is alluring, cloaked in her shades of green and blue with purple hues awash in red and gold at sunset and sunrise, but the crew is missing the comforts of Tortuga and the familiar cays and coves of the Caribees. So homeward bound we are. And speedy-like too.

Everyone can use a miniature tea set, aye? Perhaps not, but I'm fairly certain that little girls would love them. It, sorry, not them.

_Signed,  
CJS_


	7. 2 April 1723

_Written the 2nd of April  
Year 1723_

_Dear Lizzie_,

Right now we're docked in Madagascar. It's a beautiful pirate island, 'pirate' being the best part of the description. A very convenient safe haven for us it is, what with three-quarters of the East India Trading Company hot on our tail. Ah… what a grand time we've had! And would you believe that Beckett's been awarded a peerage? The ol' bugger's a lord now, which doesn't help the over-inflated ego of his.

Our fun all started off the Java Islands. We were just passing through, innocently enough, when we sailed bang into the middle of a very large, likely quite important, sea battle. Of course, we bore no intention of doing so but they were very kindly blocking the passage. On any other day I would have ordered us back and around another route, no need to stick our nose –or prow- in where it could get blown off. As it so happens, though, the winds were of a fair strong sort in a forward-westerly sort of direction (I'm simplifying here for you landlubbers). It blew right with the current too and I didn't want the crew to exert themselves overmuch in such heinous conditions (twas hot enough to fry a fresh-caught fish on the foretop) so we continued on our merry way into the fray. We ran up a neutral sort of flag, adjusted course, and defended ourselves. The battle was atwixt some Indiamen marines and some lovely Portuguese men o'war. One of the Portuguese captains, being a cruel bastard, decided that we'd make a pretty target. Methinks he's changed his mind now, sitting pretty on the bottom of the ocean and all. A vicious and bloody battle (which I shall not recount here for the sake of brevity) ensued. The Portuguese ran for it naught but ten minutes after the _Pearl_ made her stunning entrance.

As one should expect, the grateful Indiamen Commodore invited me and my officers aboard for a fine meal. Twasn't until we were back aboard the _Pearl_ and twenty leagues away that he discovered his losses (I know this by the hearing of a loud, mournful scream). I had heisted the following:

12 golden rings with various jewels

9 scrolls of silk

7 bottles of fine ink

a pen of ostrich feather

his flute (specially crafted)

a regal indigo gauze gown, embroidered with ivy leaves, that seemed to have been made for a very short woman

and several items of questionable and debauched nature (which could include above dress)

His screams and shrieks could be heard as clearly as though he were on the main deck of the _Pearl_ herself. Rather pity his crew, don't you?

After a lively chase we found ourselves drifting off of the east coast of India, very near the port of Madras with many company offices beckoning deliciously... but I have run out of paper and shall continue this at a later date.

_Signed,  
CJS_

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A/N: Thank-you all for the reviews. They make me happy!! BUT - I have one issue. Two of my reviewers, Verity Kindle and Smithy, who have great reviews that I would love to reply too, didn't leave me anyway to contact them. I would greatly appreciate it if the both of you made it possible for me to reply to your reviews. XD Thanks. 

Oh yes, and I know my sentences tend to run on and the grammar isn't perfect- but that's how I write Jack writing, in case anybody was wondering. XD  
-Cheorl d'Arion


	8. 5 April 1723

_Written the 5th of April  
Year 1723_

_Dear Lizzie,_

I'd almost forgotten about the tale I was telling you. Better get it writ down afore the ship leaves port. After all, wouldn't you like to receive them together? O'course you would!

Before we could berth at Madras we needed to go about disguising the _Pearl_, so as to avoid being found out (before we wanted to be, anyhow). Though _Pearl_ doesn't enjoy being decked out in all sorts of frippery, she had to suffer through it. Her black sails were exchanged for bland, normal white ones, a Union Jack was run up along with a EITC flag. We also tarred on a new name, so swiftly that it had barely dried when we sailed into port. And it weren't my notorious beauty, the _Black Pearl_, who sailed into the port of Madras. It were the lumbering trader fresh from England, the _Libertia_. (Like the name? Think its very suitable myself.)

We docked and presented ourselves to the Dock Master. He checked his records and, of course, found none of us. All might have ended there except for a neat bit of word-twisting that told him that we were straight and new from England, not yet in all records. Safe for the moment, the crew took a well-deserved shore leave as Boviney and I (Boviney being my purser) wrangled out the fees which we owed the docks. Much reduced of course, from the usual, as we were a company ship. After this fairly amusing proceeding (details withheld, sorry luv), we replenished our food stock and presented the papers of what were to carry back to England. Being as well armed as we were, we had been assigned a precious cargo of gold, silver, and rare spices. With plenty of gold. After all these technicalities (which I found immensely boring, tis no wonder civilized folk go so dull in the head), we had ourselves a speck of fun. We consisted of me and my officers.

Lord Beckett, the presiding agent, had us to an evening repast (we had put in early in the morning). That the man didn't recognize is a sign of the miracles Legs can work. Brilliant man (Legs, not Beckett). I looked nothing like myself and everything like a slightly puffed, self-important, stuffy merchant captain who disliked the heat. No relation at all, eh? After this evening repast, Beckett and I took a stroll through the gardens. I knew this would happen, being well acquainted with the man's habits, and had prepared a nice surprise for him. Those of the crew that were not unconscious in brothel somewhere were waiting behind the hedge at the edge of the garden. The hedge was twice a man's height, making it two-and-a-half times taller than Beckett. Little shrimp. But aye, they were waiting there. With several buckets. But these were not your normal, everyday buckets. Oh no, they were of a very contrary and suspicious nature these buckets were. These buckets, you see, were filled with paint tar. But not just any paint tar. This paint tar was very, shall we say, purple. As we strolled past this hedge I spoke in a loud voice the cue words. 'Once, I laid eyes upon a most unusual sight. 'Twas a purpled elephant.' As Beckett looked askance at me, I stepped backwards with a dramatic bow, sweeping off that bloody wig as I did so. Ah lass, in the end of it, the sight of his face was priceless. First, he saw and recognized me (finally) than the men covered him in the contents of those suspicious and devilish buckets. "An' know," I said, speaking free and easy once again, "I've seen a purpled English lord as well!" Then I made good my escape.

No one came after us that night, and even if they had, they wouldn't have found us in any suspected places. When I fled the gardens I took a shortcut through his manse, relieving him of several valuable items. I flew down the halls, shedding confining garments as I went (I was wearing my normal clothes underneath it all, fear not). Once in the actual port itself, I set about one of my favourite past times. It is very liberating, so to speak, and will often gain me some crew. This past time is storming buildings and freeing imprisoned souls. They are very conveniant for wreaking havoc.

Madras didn't sleep that night, nay, instead they saw Captain Jack Sparrow and his most loyal and threatening crew (ha, half of them were dead on their feet with drink), fnish loading the loot. They saw Captain Jack Sparrow sail out of the bay in a blaze of laughing glory, heading towards to the golden sunrise. And they saw Lord Beckett completely lose control and run screaming and hollering, dripping purple, up and down the docks as they _Pearl_ retreated into the distance.

And so thus, you have a first-hand account of how I sacked port Madras without firing a shot. I think I still like Nassau better (got more loot) but Lord, teasing Beckett was fun! We headed eastways to Madagascar, laughing all the way. Still laughing,

_Signed,  
CJS_

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_ A/N: Egad!! I could go on and on about how terribly sorry I am. -winces and cowers in cupboard- Blame GaiaOnline!! It lured me away!! _

_ Sorry, really. I finally got my lazy ass moving and typed up this chapter. Since you are all so wonderful, I will post the final three chapters today as well!! And, maybe even today, I will also post the starting two chapters to the third sequel, Letters of Yule. That one is probably my favourite. I may even finish posting it by the time March Break is over. Everyone pray. For those interested, the second sequel is Letters from Elizabeth, which is finished. Its very short. Very. Short. Review? Even to yell at me? D  
_


	9. 20 May 1723

_Written the 20th of May,  
Year 1723_

_Dear Lizzie,_

Well, we've made it around the cape and away from those English pests. Hopefully, when you receive this I'll be about a week behind it. We're on the Ivory Coast in a Portuguese port stocking up for the crossing. Though we'll arrive in the Caribees about a week after you get this, I expect we'll be occupied for a better part of that week. However! I expect to be seeing you before two weeks are up. You are warned.

Have I ever mentioned that I hate slavers? Well, the few slavers that ply their craft here suddenly have yet another problem to deal with. Tomorrow morning they will wake up to find their "cargo" gone.

Ana, Gibbs, Tommy (the ship's boy), and I made a trip into the main market yesterday. I suppose they don't call this place the Ivory Coast for nothing – I have never seen so much ivory jewelery and knickknacks in my life. At one point, as we were weaving in amongst the stalls (with absolutely no intention of lifting some free merchandise) some of the local African tribesmen confronted us. They seemed set on fighting and killing whichever of us was Ana's master. It took all my negotiating skills to convince them that Ana was free and had, as a matter of fact, never been a slave. The tribesmen themselves are quite something. If I could draw, the pictures I'd send you would quite possibly shock your tender, civilized, English sensibilities. Many of them are tall and when they look down on you with a particular expression on their face you want to slink off into the shadows for guilt of living. Funny, it reminds me of the Commodore… not that I can picture him dressed as they do.

Tribesmen aside, we did get some shopping done. Ana helped me select an ivory comb for you, so rather than wait, I've sent it along with a couple of other trinkets. I didn't think the Whelp would fancy a comb or one the long, dangling earrings, so I didn't get anything for him. As for myself, I have acquired a new hairpiece-a small, carved, oval of ivory.

We also picked up a new crew member. An African boy of the same tribe whose members we met earlier. He had been captured and was going to be shipped off to the New World somewhere and enslaved. After we freed him, he insisted on coming with us. He's a smart boy, and as stubborn as an ass. Jlakon, that's the boy, speaks crude English (remarkably enough) and slightly more fluent Portuguese mixed with some French. He can also wield a spear with no little skill, mayhap I'll teach him the boarding pike. That's only happening after we teach him how to swing a cutlass, though. Despite the age difference (Jlakon is 11) he and Tommy (15) have become nigh inseparable. See you in a month or so, if the winds be with us.

_Signed,  
CJS_


	10. 14 June 1723

_Written the 14th of June  
Year 1723  
37 High Lane  
Tortuga Port_

_Dear Lizzie,_

Aye luv, you read that address correct. 37 High Lane, Tortuga Port. For a few years now, ever since the Nassau Port incident, I have owned a house in the wealthy, "respectable" district of Tortuga Port. And aye, there is such a thing (district I mean, of course there's such thing as a house). Tortuga being a free port, though under French 'control', any person of any nationality may live there. For a rather large sum of money, of course. After all, can't expect landlords to live in there own slums, ay? I'm no landlord, but I do own a house. A very nice one if I say so myself. Three floors in all, and a root cellar.

A route through some jungley bits and over a cliff behind the house leads to a private, hidden cove where the _Pearl_ is moored. We landed in Tortuga 8 days ago, the 6th of June I believe. It took us a grand total of 25 days to cross the Atlantic, a record even for us. I think she's been wanting to get home, ay?

The total agreed amount specified in the Ship's Articles has been met for each man (and woman), except for Jlakon. He only gets a pittance of the loot, seeing as he didn't partake in any raids. So the crew has split, though what's left of the crew that crewed the _Interceptor_ and a couple of others (Tommy and Jlakon for two) plan on staying on board for my next venture. Gibbs, Cotton, Tearlach, Mac, Legs, Ana, Tommy, and Jlakon are coming to Port Royal with me. No tattling to the Commodore (wouldn't want to ruin the surprise).

If you so wish, you may write me. Address the envelope to 'The Dancing Maiden', Tortuga Port and place my address in the upper left-hand corner. But not my name, savvy? And don't place yours or your address anywhere on the envelope either. Obviously this is far sooner than you expected. See you soon.

_Signed,  
CJS_

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_Final Author's Note: Well, I'm done. Finally. Hope you all enjoyed the ride!! Check out the already posted Letters from Elizabeth and the soon-to-be-posted Letters of Yule. Maybe I'll edit this, some time, but right now, I just want to celebrate! This is the first chapter fic I've actually finished on here!! -does happy dance-_

_Oh yes, and since I failed to at the beginning, I hereby disclaim that I am making no profit from this story. All recognizable characters are used for entertainment purposes only. All places are used fictionally. Take that, mouse.  
_

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